Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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