i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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