One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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