Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
