I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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