dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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