These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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