I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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