Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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