So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
