actually, I'm a sock model
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
