If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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