just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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