Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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