im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
