she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
