id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
