:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
