ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
