My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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