So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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