Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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