Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
