as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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