Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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