Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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