Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
