HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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