This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
