He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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