The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
