There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
