she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
