That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
