he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
