She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two words: blizzard sex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
