today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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