I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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