Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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