I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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