dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
