saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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