why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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