Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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