She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
