you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
too bad you live with your parents still
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
smell my finger.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
