Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
