1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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