toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
