let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
