Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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