I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
