too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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