so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
