You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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