i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
