We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
