I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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