sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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