We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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