Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize