out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
