She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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