she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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