he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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