Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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