Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
