I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A+ Viking dick
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